full into Fall
i have been sick for weeks. kinda feverish, chills a whack cough. and on call. and on call. shivering sleepless through the night. i keep looking at how sick my patients are and dragged myself to work for the last week and a half. and i feel better now. but it is freaking hard to motivate when you are feeling so sick. to compare the sickest person you see and realize that you are not even close to being that sick is useful to a degree.
my world shrunk to the walls of the hospital and the walls of my bedroom. the call room and my bedroom. for a month.
anyway i am stalling because i am supposed to be writing something for Michelle's wedding or reading about HIV- told a man he had HIV today. he started sobbing. That must be such horrible news to hear. I find myself wanting to promise things i cant hope to deliver. An undocumented mexican man wanted to leave the hospital even though he was really sick and likely had cancer eating into his bones. he wanted to leave because it was too expensive. I felt like saying, Don't worry, Money is not an obstacle. We got this one. But i told him let the state charge you and charge you and make sure that you don't have any dependents they can come after.
a Palestinian man who got shot in the 1967 war in Jordan was my patient and he was so freaking awesome, this guy. So nice. and he kept asking me, doc this procedure i need is taking so long in this county hospital, should i use my life savings to pay out of pocket somewhere else? 2000 bucks- 65 yrs old and all you got is 2000 bucks to your name. and a lifetime of scraping by. and you an American citizen and nobody has your back. The floor has got to raise. what we are willing to accept as the lowest level of care.
anyway- that was a tanget. i am trying to write a poem for the wedding and i came across this... this is the beginning of my inspiration. where all inspiration starts... RUMI...
The minute I heard my first love story
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along.
What else is there to say?
Sri
my world shrunk to the walls of the hospital and the walls of my bedroom. the call room and my bedroom. for a month.
anyway i am stalling because i am supposed to be writing something for Michelle's wedding or reading about HIV- told a man he had HIV today. he started sobbing. That must be such horrible news to hear. I find myself wanting to promise things i cant hope to deliver. An undocumented mexican man wanted to leave the hospital even though he was really sick and likely had cancer eating into his bones. he wanted to leave because it was too expensive. I felt like saying, Don't worry, Money is not an obstacle. We got this one. But i told him let the state charge you and charge you and make sure that you don't have any dependents they can come after.
a Palestinian man who got shot in the 1967 war in Jordan was my patient and he was so freaking awesome, this guy. So nice. and he kept asking me, doc this procedure i need is taking so long in this county hospital, should i use my life savings to pay out of pocket somewhere else? 2000 bucks- 65 yrs old and all you got is 2000 bucks to your name. and a lifetime of scraping by. and you an American citizen and nobody has your back. The floor has got to raise. what we are willing to accept as the lowest level of care.
anyway- that was a tanget. i am trying to write a poem for the wedding and i came across this... this is the beginning of my inspiration. where all inspiration starts... RUMI...
The minute I heard my first love story
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along.
What else is there to say?
Sri
posted by srijeeva at 8:35 PM
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