today a patient died. my patient. came into my clinic. 62 year old chinese man with decompensated heart failure. talking and walking and saying doc i can't walk as many blocks as i used to three weeks ago. a nice slightly stoic chinese man. and i sent him upstairs to get labs to decide what to do with him. admit him to the hospital. or send him home with more water pills. after getting his blood drawn he slumped over and died. i told him i was worried about him. i was the last doc to see him alive. alive at 11:44. dead at 1:15. walked into the room, skin blue as a pale sky. but less vivid. and more depressing. played over scenario and scenario of what imightacouldadone.

teared up a little and drank tonight. tipsy still...

gotta work early tomorrow...

Sri