last call of 1st month

post call- just slept for a couple hours. always like to wake up before the sun dips down so i wont go two full days without the sun.
i took a walk and am back at the library. still no net access.

there is something about standing over a woman and compressing her chest wall repeatedly for 1/2 hour that drains you. I think i got drained because she ended up dying. her eyes were so hit you in the belly fish like. i didnt look much.

At 2 am when you hear the Code BLUE 5 EAST ICU. CODE BLUE 5 EAST ICU your blood starts galloping and running down the hallways you start to feel like a somewhat superhero that could bring back somebody like now. and i stood over that body and cracked some ribs and you could hear them crack(but that is normal)and after shocking her a few times and getting a pulse and losing it and after some electrical activity and losing it I walked back to the CCU feeling like an unincredible zero. it was a bummer. but process process process- there is a time to die and i don't like compressing somebody who will code again tomorrow and the next day. but this woman was supposedly the most alert in the ICU 5 minutes before. confused but alert.

anyway... gonna walk back home. tomorrow is the last day of my CCU month. i have weekends off now on med clinic.

took the fam out for dinner friday. it ate 1/2 my first pay check. 10 dollar martinis that people were downing...ouch:) it was fun though.. a sheeshy indian restaurant...

gotta go this comp is gonna boot me,

Sri

brief notes

i am in the library in redondo beach. got no internet at home. the days are tough, if you let it hit you it would be emotional and sometimes you can but alot of times you can't. the moment isnt right or you got to hold it together in front of a patient and then the moment passes. i had a dream a couple nights ago that the man who was on a vent for so long and who we took off and who died was sitting up and talking to me. and his daughter who sobbed so much and told me a bit about him, he was like that in my dream. and it was kinda wierd because i kept asking him, shit dying aint that bad, huh? you look great and he was laughing. i have never seen this guy remotely alive. just connected to tubes. and i was so excited in my dream.

anyway, i wrote my first death note yesterday on call. an 80 yr old black fiesty woman who was dnr(no cpr), dni(do not intubate), and no pressors it bummed me out a bit but she went quickly.

i met the mayor of LA couple nights ago. very friendly. i finished talking to him and called resh and she gave me a list of things i should have spoken to him about, policies and meetings he should come to and stuff. i felt like i dropped the ball, i am not in a strategy mode and i guess i should be more often. he was in the ER because a cop got shot.

got my vacation schedule. 2 weeks in oct. thinking i might climb mount whitney or go to yosemite. maybe sit for 10 days if the dates coincide. we'll see

writing an essay on india and the tibetan refugee camp. reading maxine hong kingston- she is off the hook.

anyway, i get my first pay check friday. i am taking the family out to dinner. 10 folks. got to find a good restaurant.


sri

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